they were so nice to me!

they were so nice to me!

(Source: ohheyjaimee)

who goes there…

i make more stuff over here: http://ohheyjaimee.tumblr.com/

a little note…

So. 30 days have passed and I’ve only done 15 of 30 posts. I’m going to keep plugging away because I’d like to finish the challenge even if i’ve kinda failed at the actual rules. I’m enjoying the discomfort in a funny way.

On a side note, I’ve had several people contact me and let me know they’ve either started blogging or have revived a dormant blog because of my posts for this challenge. THAT is SO RAD! Those of you who sent me messages know who you are, keep it up! There’s something really awesome and honest in expressing yourself this way. And more importantly, it’s kindof fun.  Go crazy, share with the world! :) I’m going to, too.

-jai.

 

Day 15 of 30: Mirror, mirror

Prompt:
Mirror, Mirror by Esther Poyer

“Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mirror, mirror on the wall… find the nearest mirror. Look. Keep looking for 3 minutes. Write about what you see.

//
I don’t like this one bit. OK, there. For the sake of exploring the exercise, I did it.

Interesting in a couple ways. My very first millisecond of thoughts went from “i’m pretty sure this is about looking beyond the superficial visual here and looking deeper.” to “i don’t want to share all that in writing.” to “ok. I’ll just do it.” Sigh.

So ya. After that initial millisecond, all swirled together in no proper order, there were a lot of thoughts happening during that three minutes. Everything from noting the details of aging and every possible thing wrong with me to pushing to find “what’s good” beyond the surface that may be showing through, sprinkled with a lot of wondering how much time is left on the stupid clock.

Introspection is a funny thing. Writing about all the things that an exercise like this can put in your head… is also a funny thing. I find myself holding back. On the fence about how to approach the response. Even though there are only about 4 people even reading this, just knowing that other people might read it makes it scary, wondering  how it will sound. Am I taking myself too seriously? Am i making a joke of things not taking it seriously enough?  I don’t know.

I see so many things wrong with me. And I’m sure I overlook many things wrong with me. But here I am, nonetheless. Learning as I go. Aging faster than I wish. Chipping away at the things that make me uncomfortable. Hoping I find more ways to notice and genuinely appreciate the tiny moments of beauty in life that happen every day. I’d like to stop holding back so much. Oy.

Tags: trust30

Day 14 of 30: Overcoming Uncertainty

Prompt:
Overcoming Uncertainty by Sean Ogle

Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Write down a major life goal you have yet to achieve or even begin to take action on. For each goal, write down three uncertainties (read: fears) you have relating to each goal. Break it down further, and write down three reasons for each uncertainty. When you have three reasons for your fear, you’ll be able to start processing the change because you know where the fear stems from. Now you’ll be able to make a smaller changes that push you towards your larger goal. So begins the process of “trusting yourself.”

 

goal:
restoring an historic movie theater. 

uncertainties:

1. which one?
I make the excuse of needing to first find the right old theater before i can proceed with any of the other steps. 

2. time.
i always let time be the deciding factor and when i do that, there’s never enough of it.

3. the plan
so if i do this and actually see it through, what’s my plan? how will it sustain/profit, etc.

Hm. 

Tags: trust30

Day 13 of 30: Deep in your soul

Prompt:

Deep in Your Soul by Michael McFadden

“I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

What message is yearning inside you?  What is something you know deep in your soul?  Don’t look for someone else to describe it.  You do it.  Write it down.  Write it as a poem, a sentence or even just a string of words.  Just make sure you get it to paper.

//

I know I am capable of more.  

(does this count as paper?)

Tags: trust30

Day 12 of 30: Afraid to do

Prompt:
Afraid to Do by Mary Jaksch

The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Emerson says: “Always do what you are afraid to do.” What is ‘too scary’ to write about? Try doing it now.

//

Well… This. I’m horrified of writing things that my mind thinks, and posting it where other people can read it.

Part of what prompted me to start this whole thing is, I’ve found myself constantly reassuring my 6 year old that she needs to just do the things that scare her, so that those things aren’t scary anymore.

Kindof hard to keep saying that if I don’t do the same.

I like to write. I don’t think I’m really good at it or anything, it’s just something I’ve enjoyed since Ms. Benson’s class in 9th grade.
I’ve been intrigued by the idea of writing things other people might read for a long time. I’ve actually written article submissions for publications, that I’ve been too scared or insecure to submit. I’ll draw pictures or give talks all day long. But sharing my writing, for whatever reason, is scary. I suppose because I relate it to revealing too much inner thought. Too much “me.”

Sigh.

Tags: trust30

Day 11 of 30: Surprise

prompt:
Surprise by Ashley Ambirge

I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Think of a time when you didn’t think you were capable of doing something, but then surprised yourself.  How will you surprise yourself this week?

// 

Oh boy. When do I ever actually think I am capable of doing something?  I do things. I think that surprises me. 

You know. I’m going to go with my current work situation. I knew what I wanted but wasn’t entirely confident I could figure out how to get it just right. I knew I’d figure something out, because not figuring something out is never an option… but I definitely lacked confidence in getting exactly what was right for me, for this time/place in my life.
I’m feeling really great about how things have actually worked out. I think the clarity of vision made everything fall into place beautifully. Despite my lack of confidence about it throughout the process of getting there. I’m so grateful that making a big scary decision a few months back, riddled with the recurring wave of lack-of-confidence, became one of the best life decisions to date. 

How will I surprise myself this week? Oh jeez. I’ll get caught up on my Trust 30 challenge! How ‘bout that! 

Tags: Trust30

I haven’t stopped…

just you wait. the big spam of catch-ups begin late, late tonight.

Tags: trust30

Day 10 of 30: Number 1 passion

Prompt:

Number 1 Passion by Eric Handler

What is your #1 passion in life?  Now, imagine what would happen if you incorporated that passion into your life daily.  Write down your passion and keep it close to you.  Remind yourself of it daily, just like brushing your teeth.

//

See. So this is where I wonder if I’ve lost my sense of humor a little or if I’m just grumpy… but i’m not keen on the idea of having to “imagine” what would happen if i incorporated my passion into my daily life. 

I like to think that following my passion is exactly how i’ve ended up where I am so far. Not that this spot I’m in is particularly dazzling to onlookers but I sure do like it in this moment. I’m not one for complacency, usually when that happens it’s a clear sign I’ll be changing things up in one way or another. But my passion drives me. For better or worse, absolutely.

I’ll totally admit, I do allow myself to make a few excuses that may prevent me from being quite as risky as my guts often want me to be. Stuff like being a single mom of two very young kids, for one. Well, maybe that’s really the only one… but I definitely don’t let that stop me from doing exactly what I love in life. If I feel I can’t approach things the high-risky way, there’s always fun in the challenge of figuring out the way to make what I want, fit where I’m at in life. I enjoy that a lot. And i’ve been pretty amazed at how awesome that works out.  (Astounding how it actually does seem to always work out.)
But I bet this prompt would like me to imagine how i can push aspects of passion-incorporation even further. So I’ll think about that for a while. 

Tags: trust30